Arguing With My Stressed Out Self, Part 1

Updated: Aug 1

Why do I keep stressing and making excuses for myself?

I read and I study, and I research, until I lose my mind. I imagine in my head, a cabinet of experts that I have recruited to help me make informed decisions that will get me moving forward towards success. In the end, I douse more gasoline on to the burning pit in my stomach. And that burning begins to kill me from the inside. See, the team in my head debate and make decisions—or arguments against—but at the end of it all, they are my subordinates and I am the captain. In other words, I still drive. They can give me the best advice, and if I don’t act (literally get up and walk), those ideas will go nowhere. Worst of all, they may forever disappear like a wisp of smoke. I still have time, but the fire in my stomach may not burn forever.

So, what? What are you even saying?

I am saying that I need to stop making excuses and act, finally. To read and study and attempt to be absolutely sure that when all conditions are perfect, will my move to be successful guarantee minimal risk? Wrong. To feed the fire and the mind is a great practice, but the game is not won during practice. I have to accept that mistakes will be made. I may risk losing. Though, I have to believe that everything I have learned so far, will help me stay afloat. With those mistakes, come greater lessons. Optimism is the catch all for the mistakes. Because with them, I trust myself to keep pushing on. I know that I won’t make any progress without acting. It’s like trying to drive a car without first starting the ignition.

The fire in my stomach is my fuel, my optimism and my studies is my vehicle, and I just need to start the ignition to discover where I am going.

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